Elder M. Russell Ballard: Engaging Without Being Defensive

SALT LAKE CITY 14 August 2009 The following is a transcript of Elder M. Russell Ballard’s speech given at Brigham Young Universitys graduation ceremony on 13 August 2009.

As I look at you graduates, tender feelings well up inside me. While it is not possible for me to shake hands with each of you and look you in the eye personally, I want you to know that you are precious in the sight of your Heavenly Father. He loves you. The Church leaders love you.

I also want you to know that you have an exciting and meaningful service to the Lord ahead of you. I recognize that years of sacrifice by your parents, as well as by each of you, have helped you become who you are. Today, I look at you and recognize your own years of commitment to the Church and to nourishing of your own testimonies through study and application of gospel principles. I look at you and I see the future of the Church — not just the future bishops, stake presidents, mission presidents and auxiliary leaders, but the great ranks of future mothers and fathers, Primary and Sunday School teachers, youth leaders, home teachers and visiting teachers, Scout leaders, choir directors and countless others who will serve the Lord in the 21st century.

It will be a different century than the one that has just passed. In some ways it will be better; in some ways, it will be much more difficult for you and for your children. But one thing is inescapable: it will be your century, one in which you have the opportunity to leave your mark for good or otherwise. You will try to influence others, and others will try to influence you. Either you will share and promote your core values, rooted in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, or you will allow others to define your values for you and your posterity.

Communication in the future will continue to change, through Internet and new media technologies. Your world of cyberspace — cell phones that capture video downloads and iTunes, and social networks like Facebook, text messaging, blogs, Twitter, handhelds and podcasts — are just the beginning of what is yet ahead of you in the remarkable expanding of technology. It makes me wish I was born 20 years later, so that I could figure out to run my iPhone when it doesn’t behave, which is quite often.

We are in a titanic struggle, my young brothers and sisters. From the dawn of mankind’s history, it has always been so. Good and evil have always been with us, and so has the right to choose between them. For the time I have with you today, I want to share some thoughts about standing firm for the truth.

Recently I saw some research about how other people see members of the Church. I have long been interested in this subject because I have had somewhat to do with missionary work in my Church assignments. Knowing how people see us is an important part of understanding how best to explain ourselves. This particular piece of research made an interesting observation. It suggested that members of our Church can sometimes appear very defensive to those who are not members of the Church. One respondent went as far as to say that when Mormons are explaining their beliefs, their language is in terms that suggest they are expecting criticism.

This was not the first time I have heard that kind of observation. But the more I have thought about it, the more I understand it. If we are not careful, we may convey a sense of defensiveness in our communications with others.

I think I understand something of the reasons. From the time Joseph Smith walked out of the Sacred Grove in 1820, there have been those who have reacted negatively, even with hostility to our message. Joseph tells us in his own words that the first time he attempted to share what he had seen with someone outside the family, it wasn’t a pleasant experience. The Protestant minister with whom he shared his message told him that it was “of the devil” and that there was no such thing as visions and revelations any more. If Joseph thought that was bad, it was because he hadn’t yet realized the relentless power of the adversary. The more the Church grew, the more it seemed to attract hostility. The small band of faithful Saints was driven from one place to another. It must have seemed to Joseph that it could not get much worse than the terrible suffering at Liberty Jail, together with the governor of Missouri issuing the extermination order against members of the Church. Of course, it did get worse, and Joseph and Hyrum paid for their work, testimonies and faith with their lives. That was the final act that launched the great trek west, led by Brigham Young, bringing us to this American wilderness, a place of refuge here in the Rocky Mountains for the members of the Church.

That is now an indelible part of history. You have heard the stories of the hardship and sacrifice since you were a small child. Even converts to the Church who had no ancestors who survived those times embrace the people and the events of our early history as part of their own heritage. The stories both inspire and motivate us, as they should, and I hope and pray that in our relative comfort we will never forget those sturdy and faithful Latter-day Saints and the lessons we can learn from them.

And yet this isn’t 1830, and there aren’t just six of us anymore. Could part of the defensiveness that others sometimes see in us suggest that we still expect to be treated as a disliked minority, forced to flee to the West? In our interactions with others, are we expecting always to have to defend ourselves? If so, I think we need to make a course correction. Constantly anticipating criticism or objections can lead to an unhealthy self-consciousness and a defensive posture that doesn’t resonate well with others. It is inconsistent with where we are today as a Church and as a great body of followers of Jesus Christ.

As in all things, we can look to the Savior as our Exemplar. He faced tremendous hostility from the outset of His ministry. When He first preached in the synagogues at Nazareth, some wanted to throw Him off a cliff. Yet He did not allow Himself to be intimidated. He knew that for the most part He would be misunderstood. Yet He was fearless in declaring His gospel using such phrases as “Some say unto you … but I say unto you.” He knew what He wanted to say, and He said it without apology. As the scriptures say, “He taught as one having authority, and not as the scribes” (Matthew 7:29).

If we want to be respected today for who we are, then we need to act confidently — secure in the knowledge of who we are and what we stand for, and not as if we have to apologize for our beliefs. That doesn’t mean we should be arrogant or overbearing. Respect for others’ views should always be a basic principle for us — it’s built right into the Articles of Faith. But when we act as if we are a persecuted minority, or as if we expect to be misunderstood or criticized, people will sense it and respond accordingly.

I invite those of you who are returned missionaries to be especially sensitive to this. You spent two years knocking on doors and dealing with every conceivable question and objection. It is easy in your conversations to think you are still knocking on doors. You’re not. If you are in a position to share what you believe, there’s no need to tread so carefully that you look like you are being evasive or anticipating criticism. The apostle Paul said, “I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ” (Romans 1:16). Neither should any of us be. I look forward and greatly appreciate every opportunity I have to share my testimony of the marvelous message of the Restoration. And I cannot ever remember offending anyone in the process.

One of the reasons why this subject is relevant to you today is because the Church is getting stronger. In the United States, we are now the fourth largest church. Latter-day Saints are everywhere, in communities from coast to coast and north to south. While our numbers may be more concentrated in the West, it is becoming more and more common for people in the country to know a Latter-day Saint personally. In addition, many members of the Church have achieved social prominence. A recent Time magazine article about the Church noted this fact and ran several photographs of prominent Latter-day Saints.

This prominence alone ensures that the Church is going to be talked about more and more and that Latter-day Saints are going to find themselves in more and more gospel discussions. That’s why I have chosen this subject. You need to be honest, open, forthright, engaging, respectful of others’ views and completely nondefensive about your own.

I’m going to give you two suggestions for how to engage in conversations nondefensively.

First suggestion: Don’t let irrelevant issues drown out the more important subjects.

Our Church members have too often allowed others to set the conversational agenda. An example is polygamy. This ended in the Church as an official practice in 1890. It’s now 2009. Why are we still talking about it? It was a practice. It ended. We moved on. If people ask you about polygamy, just acknowledge it was once a practice but not now, and that people shouldn’t confuse any polygamists with our Church. In ordinary conversations, don’t waste time trying to justify the practice of polygamy during the Old Testament times or speculating as to why it was practiced for a time in the 19th century. Those may be legitimate topics for historians and scholars, but I think we simply reinforce the stereotypes when we make it a primary topic of conversations about the Church.

I realize that sometimes these conversations are triggered by stories that appear in the media. That doesn’t change anything. Earlier this year a TV cable network series about polygamists depicted the sacred temple ceremony. That portrayal caused great concern among Church members, which is understandable. We were all offended by it.

But I refer you to an article in response that was placed by the Public Affairs Department of the Church on its Newsroom Web site at that time. As I quote from it, please listen to the tone. There is nothing defensive about it, yet it was responding to an inappropriate portrayal of one of our most sacred religious ceremonies:

“Like other large faith groups, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sometimes finds itself on the receiving end of attention from Hollywood or Broadway, television series or books, and the news media. Sometimes depictions of the Church and its people are quite accurate. Sometimes the images are false or play to stereotypes. Occasionally, they are in appallingly bad taste.

“As Catholics, Jews, and Muslims have known for centuries, such attention is inevitable once an institution or faith group reaches a size or prominence sufficient to attract notice.” The article then goes on to discourage the idea of an organized boycott of the network or affiliated businesses, which was being actively promoted among some of our members on the Internet.

Continuing the Newsroom quote:

“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as an institution does not call for boycotts. Such a step would simply generate the kind of controversy that the media loves and in the end would increase audiences for the series. …

“Latter-day Saints should conduct themselves with dignity and thoughtfulness. Not only is this the model that Jesus Christ taught and demonstrated in His own life, but it also reflects the reality of the strength and maturity of Church members today. … If the Church allowed critics and opponents to choose the ground on which its battles are fought, it would risk being distracted from the focus and mission it has pursued successfully for nearly 180 years. Instead, the Church itself will determine its own course as it continues to preach the restored gospel of Jesus Christ throughout the world.”

Let me give you another example in recent memory. A year or two ago an independent film group made a movie about the Mountain Meadows Massacre. To describe this as a really bad “B” movie would be generous. Frankly, it was just awful — even the Hollywood critics panned it. The promoters did everything they could to provoke the Church into making it a major topic of conversation. In fact, we completely ignored it. We refused to allow them to set the agenda. The result: a big flop at the box office and presumably a lot of red ink in the promoters’ bank accounts. Meanwhile, we continue to respond and to reach out in constructive and intelligent ways with the descendants of those who were involved in those terrible events at Mountain Meadows.

And recently the Church has published a well-researched book titled Massacre at Mountain Meadows which documents the facts surrounding this tragedy.

Now my second suggestion to you is to emphasize that Latter-day Saints follow Jesus Christ and what Jesus Christ teaches. We try to follow Him in all that we do.

When all is said and done, the most important thing about you and your testimony is that you base your beliefs on what Jesus Christ taught, and you try to follow Him by living your life in a way acceptable to our Heavenly Father and to the Lord.

This is your foundation. It was Joseph Smith’s foundation. He said: “The fundamental principles of our religion are the testimony of the Apostles and Prophets, concerning Jesus Christ, that He died, he was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended into heaven; and all other things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it.”

Whenever you are having a conversation about the Church, you should try to make this a point. We follow Jesus Christ. We try to live as He taught. That’s the basis of our faith and our lives. This is the strongest nondefensive position you can take. You don’t have to defend or justify anything when you are basing your position on the teachings of the Son of God and the fact that you are doing your best to keep His commandments.

It is a great blessing to have the doctrines of Jesus Christ, which are clear to those who study the scriptures and embrace His teachings. As we follow the doctrine of the Lord Jesus Christ, we come to know that all of us are the children of God and He loves us. By following Christ we know where we came from before we were born, we know our purpose for being here on the earth, and we know where we will go when we leave this earth life. The plan of salvation is clear; it is God’s plan for the eternal happiness of His children.

There are commandments that God has given for men and women to live by. They are His commandments, and no one is authorized to change them except by direct revelation to God’s chosen prophet.

People throughout the world are drifting further and further away from the teachings of the Lord toward a secular society that the apostle Paul described:

“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers having itching ears; and they shall turn away their ears from the truth” (2 Timothy 4:3–5).

Today is the day and the time Paul saw. There is an ever-growing number of people who believe that there is no God, no Christ, no plan of redemption, no Atonement, no repentance, no forgiveness, no life after death, no resurrection, no eternal life, no eternal families sealed together forever.

How empty life must be without the blessings of the fulness of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ? Now my brothers and sisters, we follow Jesus Christ. We know the plan of happiness, the great plan of redemption through the Lord Jesus Christ. You graduates know the doctrines of Jesus Christ. You must strive now and always to live by them. Upon your generation will rest the responsibility to teach the doctrines of the Lord and to know how to build up His Church. Please remember you do not need to feel like you must justify your beliefs; you simply need to explain them in the spirit of love and kindness. The truth always prevails when true doctrine is taught.

Now here are just a few examples:

1.We follow Jesus Christ’s doctrine of service to our fellow man. We serve both our members and those who are not. The great work we do in humanitarian service throughout the world relieves suffering and hardship. We do all we can, sharing our resources of time and money to meet the needs of both our members and those of other faiths recognizing that “inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25:40).
2.We follow Jesus Christ’s doctrine of striving to live the Word of Wisdom, which is a sound way to enjoy a healthy physical body. We avoid drug abuse of all kinds because our bodies are the house of our eternal spirits and happiness in this life is obtained by being spiritually strong and physically healthy.
3.We follow Jesus Christ by living the law of chastity. God gave this commandment, and He has never revoked it nor changed it. This law is clear and simple. No one is to engage in sexual relationships out of the bounds the Lord has set. This applies to homosexual behavior of any kind and to heterosexual relationships outside of marriage. It is a sin to violate the law of chastity.
4.We follow Jesus Christ by adhering to God’s law of marriage, which is marriage between a man and a woman. This commandment has been in place from the very beginning. God said, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). God instructed Adam and Eve that they were to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28).
Modern-day prophets and apostles reaffirmed this command in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” issued in 1995:

“God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. … The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.”

5.We follow Jesus Christ and teach the first principles of the gospel and all of the other wonderful doctrines of the restoration that when embraced and lived bring peace, joy and happiness to the sons and daughters of God.
Brothers and sisters, you wonderful graduates, it’s just this simple. May God bless you, as you now leave this university and go out into the world and fulfill your pursuits finding happiness and knowing that, by following the teachings of Jesus Christ, you will have peace, joy and happiness in your lives. I want to leave you my testimony. I bear witness to you that Jesus is the Christ. He is the Son of God. He does live. This is His Church. We’re on His errand. He has given us teachings and commandments. We should understand them and teach them with love, power and spiritual strength. I invoke a blessing on you that our Heavenly Father will enlighten you and bless you in every way when you have the opportunity to explain to the Church the marvelous message of the Restoration and to explain to those who are not members of the Church, that you might be blessed and you may have heavenly direction and that you may stand positive in your own feelings, and never feeling that you need to be on the defensive being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. May God grant you every blessing and righteous desire of your heart as you leave this university is my humble prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

“The Influence of Righteous Women"- Sept. Ensign

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Influence of Righteous Women,” Liahona, Sep 2009, 2–7

The scriptures give us names of several women who have blessed individuals and generations with their spiritual gifts. Eve, the mother of all living; Sarah; Rebekah; Rachel; Martha; Elisabeth; and Mary, the mother of our Savior, will always be honored and remembered. The scriptures also mention women whose names are unknown to us but who bless our lives through their examples and teachings, like the woman of Samaria whom Jesus met at the well of Sychar (see John 4), the ideal wife and mother described in Proverbs 31, and the faithful woman who was made whole just by touching the Savior’s clothes (see Mark 5:25–34).

As we look at the history of this earth and at the history of the restored Church of Jesus Christ, it becomes obvious that women hold a special place in our Father’s plan for the eternal happiness and well-being of His children.

I hope that my dear sisters throughout the world—grandmothers, mothers, aunts, and friends—never underestimate the power of their influence for good, especially in the lives of our precious children and youth!

President Heber J. Grant (1856–1945) said, “Without the devotion and absolute testimony of the living God in the hearts of our mothers, this Church would die.”1 And the writer of Proverbs said, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

President Gordon B. Hinckley counseled the women of the Church:

“It is so tremendously important that the women of the Church stand strong and immovable for that which is correct and proper under the plan of the Lord. …

“We call upon the women of the Church to stand together for righteousness. They must begin in their own homes. They can teach it in their classes. They can voice it in their communities.”2

There is a saying that big gates move on small hinges. Sisters, your example in seemingly small things will make a big difference in the lives of our young people. The way you dress and groom yourselves, the way you talk, the way you pray, the way you testify, the way you live every day will make the difference. This includes which TV shows you watch, which music you prefer, and how you use the Internet. If you love to go to the temple, the young people who value your example will also love to go. If you adapt your wardrobe to the temple garment and not the other way around, they will know what you consider important, and they will learn from you.

You are marvelous sisters and great examples. Our youth are blessed by you, and the Lord loves you for that.

An Example of Faith
Let me share some thoughts about Sister Carmen Reich, my mother-in-law, who was truly an elect lady. She embraced the gospel in a most difficult and dark time of her life, and she liberated herself from grief and sorrow.

As a young woman—a widow and the mother of two young girls—she freed herself from a world of old traditions and moved into a world of great spirituality. She embraced the teachings of the gospel, with its intellectual and spiritual power, on a fast track. When the missionaries gave her the Book of Mormon and invited her to read the verses they had marked, she read the whole book within only a few days. She learned things beyond the understanding of her peers because she learned them by the Spirit of God. She was the humblest of the humble, the wisest of the wise, because she was willing and pure enough to believe when God had spoken.

She was baptized on November 7, 1954. Only a few weeks after her baptism, she was asked by the missionary who baptized her to write her testimony. The missionary wanted to use her testimony in his teaching to help others feel the true spirit of conversion. Fortunately, the missionary kept the handwritten original for more than 40 years, and then he returned it to her as a very special and loving gift.

A Testimony Born of the Spirit
Let me share with you parts of her written testimony. Please keep in mind that she wrote these words only a few weeks after hearing about the gospel. Before the missionaries came, she had never heard anything about the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, or Mormons in general. In 1954 there were no temples outside the continental United States, except in Canada and Hawaii.

This is the English translation of Sister Reich’s handwritten testimony:

“Special characteristics of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that are not present in other religious communities include, above all, modern revelation given through the Prophet Joseph Smith.

“The Book of Mormon in its clear and pure language is next, with all the instructions and promises for the Church of Jesus Christ; it is truly a second witness, together with the Bible, that Jesus Christ lives.

“Bound together by faith in a personal God, that is, God the Father, God the Son, and the Holy Ghost, who facilitates prayer and also influences personally.

“Also, faith in the premortal life, the preexistence, the purpose of our earthly life, and our life after death is so valuable for us and especially interesting and informative. It is clearly laid out, and our lives receive new meaning and direction.

“The Church has given us the Word of Wisdom as a guide to keep body and spirit in the most perfect shape possible to realize our desire and goal. So we keep our bodies healthy and improve them. All this from the knowledge that we will take them up again after death in the same form.

“Totally new to me, of course, is temple work with its many sacred ordinances, having families together forever. All this was given through revelation to the Prophet Joseph Smith.”

Carmen Reich, my dear mother-in-law, passed away in 2000 at age 83.

A Unique Feminine Identity
The lives of women in the Church are a powerful witness that spiritual gifts, promises, and blessings of the Lord are given to all those who qualify, “that all may be benefited” (D&C 46:9; see verses 9–26). The doctrines of the restored gospel create a wonderful and “unique feminine identity that encourages women to develop their abilities” as true and literal daughters of God.3Through serving in the Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary organizations—not to mention their private acts of love and service—women have always played and will always play an important part in helping “bring forth and establish the cause of Zion” (D&C 6:6). They care for the poor and the sick; serve proselytizing, welfare, humanitarian, and other missions; teach children, youth, and adults; and contribute to the temporal and spiritual welfare of the Saints in many other ways.

Because their potential for good is so great and their gifts so diverse, women may find themselves in roles that vary with their circumstances in life. Some women, in fact, must fill many roles simultaneously. For this reason, Latter-day Saint women are encouraged to acquire an education and training that will qualify them both for homemaking and raising a righteous family and for earning a living outside the home if the occasion requires.

We are living in a great season for all women in the Church. Sisters, you are an essential part of our Heavenly Father’s plan for eternal happiness; you are endowed with a divine birthright. You are the real builders of nations wherever you live, because strong homes of love and peace will bring security to any nation. I hope you understand that, and I hope the men of the Church understand it too.

What you sisters do today will determine how the principles of the restored gospel can influence the nations of the world tomorrow. It will determine how these heavenly rays of the gospel will light every land in the future.4

Though we often speak of the influence of women on future generations, please do not underestimate the influence you can have today. President David O. McKay (1873–1970) said that the principal reason the Church was organized is “to make life sweet today, to give contentment to the heart today, to bring salvation today. …

“Some of us look forward to a time in the future—salvation and exaltation in the world to come—but today is part of eternity.”5

Blessings beyond Imagining
As you live up to this mission, in whatever life circumstance you find yourself—as a wife, as a mother, as a single mother, as a divorced woman, as a widowed or a single woman—the Lord our God will open up responsibilities and blessings far beyond your ability to imagine.

May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you. But don’t reach beyond your capacity. Don’t set goals beyond your capacity to achieve. Don’t feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure. Don’t compare yourself with others. Do the best you can, and the Lord will provide the rest. Have faith and confidence in Him, and you will see miracles happen in your life and the lives of your loved ones. The virtue of your own life will be a light to those who sit in darkness, because you are a living witness of the fulness of the gospel (see D&C 45:28). Wherever you have been planted on this beautiful but often troubled earth of ours, you can be the one to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees” (D&C 81:5).

My dear sisters, as you live your daily life with all its blessings and challenges, let me assure you that the Lord loves you. He knows you. He listens to your prayers, and He answers those prayers, wherever on this world you may be. He wants you to succeed in this life and in eternity.

Brethren, I pray that we as priesthood holders—as husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, and friends of these choice women—may see them as the Lord sees them, as daughters of God with limitless potential to influence the world for good.

In the early days of the Restoration, the Lord spoke to Emma Smith through her husband, the Prophet Joseph Smith, giving her instructions and blessings: “[Be] faithful and walk in the paths of virtue before me. … Thou needest not fear. … Thou shalt lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better. … Lift up thy heart and rejoice. … And a crown of righteousness thou shalt receive” (D&C 25:2, 9, 10, 13, 15).

Of this revelation, the Lord declared, “This is my voice unto all” (verse 16).

Later, the Prophet Joseph Smith told the sisters, “If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.”6

Of these truths I testify, and I extend to you my love and my blessing as an Apostle of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.